doors are closed,windows are ...??

I said good-bye to Jesse, i dont think i'm the right person that he wanted, i dont like always trying so hard to get close to him which is never succeed, and there are many things that i dont like to do anymore. so i totally shut down the door.

The last day of CNY, S called me to hang out with, i was working late, and also tired, but didnt know why i accepted as usually i always find a bunch of excuses to refuse him. as it's been 6 months since last time i met him, and still good looking, but dont know why im always trying to escape something. we walked many blocks, took a big circle back to the department store, he invited me to his apartment, i said no, and Mr. Paranoid offered me many many excuses in 10 secs. when i was on the bus, for a sec, i had a little regret but ... anyway.